Dear Celibel,
I liked how you connected the experiences of the charcters in the book with your experiences. It shows that you really connected with the book and characters. One of the first things I noticed is that your tite isn’t clear (“New of Doing Thinking”). When doing the full source introduction don’t forget that you have to includethe author’s name. I think that after you state that Sharon Draper helped the authors you should say why she did so. The line after that you say “Both Dr.Davis and Dr.Hunt grew up to be an emergency physician in their life,”. Because you are talking about two people you should get rid of the “an” and and an “s” at the end of “physician”. I also think that you should get rid of “in their life”. You start of the next paragraph with the sentence “When attending my last year in primary school, I did not have a clue of how life really was”. I think that instead of saying “of ” you sould replace it with “as to”. You should also maybe explain how you did view life. Later on you talk about the characters overcoming how they were treated on the streets. I think that for the reader to get a better idea of what you are talking about, you should mention how the characters were treated. You then mention thebook again but not the author. I think the line “In the book it was seperated into sections that changed into the boys persprective with a two to three guidance of how life is” could be a little clearer. Don’t forget that you don’t need to say “the non fictional biography” because its already impied that a biography is non-fiction. There were some other sentences that I had to re-read because they didn’t make sense to me. The first one was “I was able to take how these boys lived their life and took on their opportunieties”. The last one was “ Dr.Sampson, Jenkins, and Hunt all took their opportunities of what they hav a school together to get what they want to be at life”. I think you should revise the paper and fix some phrasing and grammar mistakes. I like how you ended the paper by restating how much the book influenced you. I can’t wait to see how it all comes out.
Sincerely,
Mabel Sosa
Corresponding Essay: Literacy Narrative Draft (Unedited)
Celibel Capellan
Prof.Ewan
FIQWS
02-25-2019
New of Doing Thinking
We Beat The STreet:How Friendship Pact Led To Success is a biography about three black children who managed to survive the street life though being friends and become doctors in the end. The three children we Dr.Sampson Davis, Dr.George Jenkins, and Dr.Rameck Hunt who were the writers of this book with the help of Sharon Draper. Both Dr.Davis and Dr.Hunt grew up to be an emergency physician in their life, and as for Dr.Jenkins, he grew up to be a health advocate dentist.
When attending my last year in primary school I did not have a clue of how life really was. I was someone who was considered as naive. However, when the class began preparing for reading a new book, my mind was open to how the world or life was because of this new book. As briefly stated before, the book was about three future doctors who had to overcome how they were treated outside in the streets. Together, the three the boys had to overcome the influence of others and the idea of not going to or through the wrong path in life. Reading We Beat The Streets:How Friendship Pact Let To Success brought a whole new perspective and way of how I was going to do things in life.
There were parts in the non fictional book that really impacted my way of thinking as well as how the book was structured. In the book it was separated into sections that changed into the boys perspective with a two to three guidance of how life is. With the non fictional biography I was able to take how these boys lived their life and took on their opportunities. With them taking their chances and leading through life together with a goal, I was able to take in how to act in the street as well with others.
Now every time I would go out in the streets I would speak in in both languages to broaden my the two languages I speak while still being alert and aware of what’s around me. The reason I did this is because I wanted to take advantage of what I have and improve it for that later on in the future I would use this as a chance to take what I want to be in life like these men did. Dr.Sampson, Jenkins, and Hunt all took their opportunities of what they have a school together to get what they want to be at life. Like mentioned before they had to go through challenges of not being influenced the wrong way by others in the streets or at school. And that really impacted my young self because it made me wary of who was trying to help me and be a good stepping stone in life.
