Dear Mabel,

     I really enjoyed reading and reviewing your paper on how your different writing experiences had helped you become a more expressible person compared to how you were in the past. Your paper had the correct MLA format that we are required to have. The way you wrote your narrative made it very easy to understand and digest because of how straightforward and direct it was. It also was very detailed and organized when a new book or experience was being introduced. As much as I enjoyed your narrative, there were still things that had to be modified. A small portion of those modifications were on spelling and grammar but that is something you should not worry about as of right now since this narrative was just a draft. However, in one of your paragraph there were some sentences that could have been combined together to make a simpler sentence. For instance you wrote, “After reading Natalie Babbitt’s Tuck Everlasting, a story about a girl named Winnie who meets a family of immortals and is faced with the decision of living forever or having a normal life. I read the story in my fifth grade class.” You could  have combined these two sentences into one sentence by saying, “In my fifth grade class we read Natalie Babbitt’s Tuck Everlasting, a story about a girl named Winnie who meets an immortal family and is faced to decide of being immortal or mortal.” But this is something that you can choose whether you want to change the two sentences or not. Besides from shorting sentences, I also noticed in the same paragraph that you mentioned the class seeing the books movie after they were done reading the book. However, there was no continuation, comparison to the book, or talk of how the movie helped your experience. As stated before you can choose whether you want to do this or not, but I suggest removing that part since it had no say on how it affected you like the book did. Whilst reading your narrative I noticed that you kept using numbers that were less than 100 and in MLA format you have to write out the numbers that are less than 100. If they are above 100 you do not have to. Overall, I really enjoyed and loved your paper and how everything was tied back to your thesis. The idea of you becoming someone who rediscover their love for writing poems and who is more expressible is something lovely to know. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Sincerely,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Celibel Capellan